Dear Game Developers

Dear Game Developers:
Yes, I would like to retry.
P.S. Make it a little bit harder.

Also I hate you.

What I'd Rather Do Than Go Back To School

Here is a small list of things that I would rather do than go to school when I've been on vacation/weekend break. Or any day actually.

I would rather light myself on fire than go back to school.

I would rather feed myself to a shark than go back to school.

I would rather stab myself in the eye than go back to school.

I would like to apologize for accidently changing the color of myself and the shape of my head and eyes. I was not paying attention and when I realized it I was like "I've gone to far to stop now!" Also I'm way to lazy to hit the undo button.

Why I Want a Jet

Really expensive jets. I want one. Or multiple really expensive jets, here is why:

It could take me places.
Not only could it take me fun places but I could also take fun people to fun places to do fun things. Fun fun fun! Possibly with Victoria's Secret supermodels. I don't mean "fun" in a sexual way but if you take it that way I am completely alright with it.

I could rub it in people's faces.
"You're being such a dick right now!"
   "Oh that's weird because I have a jet..."
"What the devil does that have to do with anything?"
   "I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sound of my JET."
"I hate you"

I could randomly bring up the fact that I have a jet in everyday conversations.
"It was very nice of you to drop my kids off at their soccer practice today! Thank you so much!"
   "Oh it's alright I felt obligated because I have a Gulfstream that I can use whenever I want to."
   "...and you don't."
"Wow. Now I realize why we never talk."
   "Like a G6."

It could help me make new friends!
"Hello stranger how are you today?"
   "I am doing pretty amazing because I have a private a jet."
"Oh cool! We should totally become best friends because I'm super materialistic."
   "OMG ME TOO! Because I have a jet."
"Let's go fly over the orphanages to scare the orphans!"
   "That is the best idea I've ever heard! I hate children."

But what if I met someone who also had a jet?
"Why are you poking my wife with a cane?"
   "Because I can and I have a jet so that gives me permission to poke anyone I want with a cane."
"I have a jet too and I don't poke random people with a cane."
   "..."
"..."
   "Mine's a Transformer."

If I were to die I'd want it to be dramatic and news worthy.
Pretty self-explanatory. If I die I want to die in something cool. Like a jet. Not some crappy airplane that SouthWestern airlines has, but a private jet. Like a Gulfstream. I would want to pop bottles while the plane is icing in a blizzard.

Christmas Break: What normal teenagers do and what I do

Here is a list of what a "typical" teenager would do over Christmas Break (I don't say "holiday break" because we all know it's actually Christmas Break, sue me if you don't like it. Just kidding freedom of speech).

Typical teenager:
-Go to parties
-Get smashed (drunk for those who don't know what smashed means)
-Open presents
-Sled
-Build snowmen
-Go to New Years parties

Me:
-Go to a friend's house
-Get super hyper on Coca-Cola
-Open presents
-Sled
-Build a snow caterpillar
-Watch the ball drop with my mom

Sad right? Well I can deal. I don't get MIP's or arrested for DUI's over the breaks.

JG Wentworth...

JG Wentworth, I hate your commercials with every fiber of my being. IT'S MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW! Okay cool, you can have it, just calm the frick down. I hate you Mr. Wentworth. I hate you so so much. Sincerely Brady. Actually not sincerely, I still hate you more than Hitler. Just go die.

Sour Patch Kids Taste Guide

Sour Patch Kids are heaven on earth.

Red tastes amazing with everything, especially green (they're complimentary colors), green tastes good with everything but orange, yellow tastes alright with everything except green, and orange tastes awful with everything.

Red=Amazing
Green=Good (bueno)
Yellow=Meh (alright)
Orange=Nasty as hell

What Could Be In My Shower: The Grudge

What Could Be In My Shower: The Grudge. Ever since I have watched the movie The Grudge I have been frightened that a little chinese girl or a grim-reaper sort of thing will try to eat me in various places, including the shower. I don't understand why a movie monster would try to eat me when I did nothing to provoke it, but it most certainly will try to eat me for just being around. Most certainly while I'm in the bathroom.

What Could Be In My Shower

When I go to the bathroom I always check the shower incase there might be a serial killer or something scary in my shower. This is what I imagine:

Serial Killer/Assassin/Hitman/Serial Rapist Killer.

Why Judge Judy is Better Than Judge Joe Brown

It has come to my attention that some people think that Judge Joe Brown is better than Judge Judy; they are wrong. I will explain why in detail. I may randomly add onto this piece. Please stay posted. Or don't I don't care. It's not my loss.

Judy Judge can be nice:











And scary mean:


-She is witty and makes an extreme amount of people look dumb. Which they are.
-She has an awesome bailiff.
-Likes to raise her voice and yell at the out-of-order (not broken) talk-backer.
-She makes about $45,000,000 so people must also enjoy her besides myself.
-Varied voice levels (repetition is good to help get a point across).

Onto Judge Joe Brown.

Judge Joe Brown can seem indifferent...











And Judge Joe Brown can seem "angry, agitated, or disappointed".

-His emotions are hard to interpret (can't tell the difference from angry and overjoyed).
-He mumbles more often than not.
-Has some random bailiff.
-Monotone.
-Monotone.
-Monotone.
-Monotone.
-Monotone.
Doesn't hearing the same thing over and over again get annoying? Especially when it's monotone? THAT'S HOW I FEEL WHILE WATCHING HIM! VARY THE LEVELS OF YOUR VOICE BEFORE I FEED MY HEART TO AN ANGRY BEAR!
-Also he kind of looks like a turtle.

My Highly Efficient Morning.

It came to my attention at 2:20am on a Sunday that I needed to share to the world my morning process. As follows:

2:34am-wake up and look at iPod's clock. Drink too much water.

5:57am-wake up and look at iPod again. Notice that I wake up in 18 minutes. Become angry at the world.

6:15am-have the song ALEJANDRO screamed at me because iPod speakers turned themselves up again. Think that there is an elf turning my speakers up.
*listen to an inappropriately loud Alejandro*

6:16am-hit snooze.

6:25am-leave bed to go take a shower.

6:26am-notice Olivia is still in the shower even though she took one last night. Become irritated.

6:27am-still waiting. Begin to think "I'm going to kill this bitch."

6:30am-finally get into the shower. Sit down and begin to wash my hair.

6:44am-leave the shower's warmth and head towards my bedroom. Arrive at my bedroom moments later.

6:44am-arrive at my bedroom.

6:46am-blow dry my hair. Because I am secure enough with myself that I can. Plus it's warm.

6:50am-go back to sleep.

7:00-think to myself "I should get up now." Refuse to actually get up but ponder some more about my getting-up.

7:10am-finally get up and randomly throw on clothes.

7:22am-start brushing teeth. Michelle starts yelling at me for "taking too long" even though we live 8 minutes from school.

7:25am-leave for school and freeze to death on the way while in Vicky. Complain about how the heat doesn't work and how Vicky is a death trap.

7:28am-sing BABY YOU'RE A FIIIIIREWORK!
(somehow manage to become late even though of my close proximity to school)

7:47am-arrive at my first hour. Everyone comments on how I'm always late. I tell them to deal.

7:50am-begin my first hour napping and look forward to my second hour napping.

7:55am-I notice I should be paying attention. Contemplate about burning myself in a grease fire. Decide against it.

The End.

Brand New Blog: Have Low Expectations.

Hello esteemed colleagues of mine, or lack thereof. I would like to congratulate myself on your behalf for making it far enough to actually accomplish something mildly productive. Congratulations Brady.